See Jareth and David Run
by Lisa Jane
Summary: Sarah's having a bad day. She wishes Jareth away, and Jareth is forced to run the labyrinth along with David Bowie. For some reason Jennifer Connelly is Sarah's guardian angel, and Sarah becomes more than a little annoyed with her...
1. One

**SEE JARETH AND DAVID RUN  
**  
_Being a life-long fan of Labyrinth, it has never occurred to me to write a Laby story. I have no idea where this story is going, but am taking a break from writing my novel. This is what several bed-ridden days with the flu, and only a laptop, Labyrinth and my imagination does... Jareth, Sarah and everyone else in Labyrinth belongs to Jim Henson, Jennifer Connelly presumably belongs to herself, David Bowie presumably belongs to himself but I'd like to own him._

* * *

Once upon a time...  
  
'GET OUT! GET OUT YOU SNEERING, INTOLERABLE BASTARD! I HATE YOU AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!'  
  
Jareth ducked as a heavy book went flying towards his head and banged on the wall behind him. He looked up to see his queen, his wife, his true love.  
  
Sarah – a very pregnant Sarah – glaring at him from her standing position, hands on hips. Her eyes shot daggers at her king, her husband, her bane of existence.  
  
'What's my fault?'  
  
Sarah pointed at her stomach. 'THIS is your fault!'  
  
Jareth stared. 'But that's your little bundle of joy.' He wasn't able to duck in time as another book flew at his head, whacking him on the forehead. 'Bloody hell, babe, what's gotten into you?'  
  
'What's gotten into me? Try what's getting out of me!' As she began to walk closer, Jareth quickly walked along the wall away from her. 'Ever SINCE you shoved your bloody seed in me and got me pregnant with YOUR kid, I can't remember a single day I haven't woken up and raced towards the bathroom to throw up!'  
  
'Sometimes you don't make it that far...' Jareth cringed as he touched his hair in remembrance of the morning Sarah woke up and threw up on him.  
  
He knew it was the wrong thing to say as he looked back up at Sarah. Waiting for the next blow, Jareth continued to skim across the wall to the open bedroom door, to freedom. After a period of silence, he stared at Sarah. She smiled angelically as she walked seductively towards him. He cringed about the fact that tights don't hide anything as Sarah slowly ran her tongue over her top lip. 'You've suddenly changed...'  
  
Sarah closed the gap between them, running her fingertips down his jaw, her lips only centimetres away from his. 'I love you.'  
  
Jareth grinned. 'I love you too, you wicked lady.'  
  
'I am wicked, aren't I?' Sarah cooed gently to him, running her hands down his chest, down towards his nether regions, forcing him to breathe deeper.  
  
'Yes, you are.'  
  
'And I have a wicked surprise for you. I know you'll love it.' Her hands were stroking him now.  
  
'... A... surprise... ?' His voice was somewhere between a growl and a moan.  
  
'Yes, a surprise.' Jareth blinked. Something had changed in Sarah's voice as she stopped stroking. She grinned. 'I wish the goblins would take you away, right now!' she screamed.  
  
'Sarah - ' Jareth didn't get the chance to say anything else as he disappeared in front of her eyes.  
  
'That wasn't fair.' Sarah spun around to see her annoying guardian angel, Jennifer, sitting on the bed.  
  
'Oh screw fairness. He pissed me off.'  
  
'Watch your language.' Jennifer hopped off the bed and padded over to her. 'You shouldn't make him do that. You know how horrible it was when we did it.'  
  
'So you'll also remember what a pain in the ass he was, too.'  
  
Jennifer sighed softly. 'But he was so sweet in the ballroom... we got to wear a big puffy princess dress...'  
  
Sarah glared. 'We were being hallucinated, Jen! And you WEREN'T there! It was me! Me me me me me!'  
  
Jennifer stuck her tongue out at Sarah. 'You're so unfair.'  
  
'Oh, everything's unfair as far as you're concerned.'  
  
Jareth swore under his breath as he looked out from the dusty hill Sarah had dropped him off at. He didn't like looking at his labyrinth from here. Too far.  
  
'What are you doing here?'  
  
Jareth spun around at the sound of his voice. David stood behind him. 'Pretending I'm Ziggy Stardust, what do you THINK I'm doing?' David shrugged. 'I don't know, that's why I asked.'  
  
Jareth counted to ten under his breath. 'What are you doing here?'  
  
'I could ask you the same thing.'  
  
'Sarah sent me here, now answer my damn question!'  
  
'Some woman sent me here. Lisa Jane or something. Said she wanted me for her story...' David looked up at the heavens, which wasn't really looking down all that kindly on the men at that particular moment. 'To think I got dragged away from my Reality tour for THIS!'  
  
Jareth was getting rather annoyed by this man. 'Will you shut up? Your British accent is highly annoying.'  
  
David's jaw dropped. 'MY British accent? Excuse me, but we have the same accent.'  
  
A throaty woman's voice suddenly came over some intercom in the labyrinth. 'You have thirteen hours, don't waste my time typing arguing! Get moving!'  
  
They sighed, and headed off down the hill towards the big long wall the labyrinth. Jareth was in the lead, and immediately turned right at the bottom of the hill.  
  
'Where are you going?' David remarked from behind him.  
  
'To the door to the Labyrinth. Where do you think I'm going?'  
  
'Good god man, don't you KNOW the way through your own labyrinth?'  
  
Jareth stared at the Aboveground version of himself, rather pissed off. How dare this cloned copy believe he didn't know the way through the labyrinth. 'Of course I know, how stupid do you think I am?'  
  
'Rather stupid actually. The door's there.' David pointed down the wall to his left, pointing at the door.  
  
Jareth thought better of saying anything and stormed past himself, throwing open the door and walking inside.

* * *

**TBC**


	2. Two

**See Jareth and David Run**

**Chapter Two**

_4th Jan 2005 - This chapter disappeared somewhere, which I've only just noticed, so here it is again. Skipping replying to reviews because it takes forever, I love everyone but flamers and so far that means I love every one of you. You're so special and I don't have a sappy bone in my body._

_Sarah, Jareth and the Labyworld belong to Jim Henson and co. David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly belong to themselves._

* * *

Hoggle's jaw dropped the full half a metre it had to fall to reach the ground. One was bad enough. And now there were two.

'What ARE you staring at, Hogbrain?' Jareth asked, his voice smashing into Hoggle's thoughts.

Hoggle's eyes darted from Jareth to the man who looked like Jareth and back again. 'It's Hoggle. Your Majesty… what have you done?'

'I don't think you're in a position to ask me what I've been doing.'

David and Hoggle looked at him. David, who on the nice-o-meter is only about one hundred and ten percent nicer than Jareth, decided to explain. 'Hoggle – '

'You know my name!'

'Yes… I'm David Bowie.'

Blank stare. David sighed. 'I played Jareth in this movie.'

Blank stare. David sighed. 'I'm a person who looks just like Jareth because I'm him.'

Terrified stare. David sighed. 'I got wished away here.'

'Ah.'

Jareth had grown rather bored of this conversation. Hoggle looked at him. 'Sarah sent you here, didn't she?'

Jareth glared at him, a glare that made Hoggle wished he could turn into one of the eyes on the wall but would make any normal hormone-driven woman push Jareth and David up against a wall. He leaned down and grabbed Hoggle by his collar. 'Mention that again and I'll throw you into the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can blink.'

Hoggle went a stranger colour.

'What's the Bog of Eternal Stench?' David didn't much like the sound of it.

Hoggle looked at him. 'You really don't want to know, but you'll find out.'

Jareth decided to point out an important, but at this time unnoticed, fact. 'Uh, just pointing out an important, but currently unnoticed, fact, but we do only have thirteen hours.'

David stared at him. 'Who decided such a stupid, short amount of time?' Jareth thought that by not answering, he wouldn't have to entertain David with an answer. David, however, took his silence for what we thought and was entertained briefly before looking left and right. 'Doesn't look much of a labyrinth to me.' He looked at Hoggle. 'Which way would you go?'

'Me? I would go either way.'

David looked at Jareth, annoyed. 'Yeah, I suppose you would.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'It means, Bleach Boy, that you have made it more than once obvious that you do not know the way through your own labyrinth, and would take both paths!'

Hoggle stared at Jareth. 'You don't even know the way?' he asked, amazed.

Jareth paused, then laughed, then stopped laughing. 'Of course I know the way. Powder Puff, choose a pathway and get going already.'

'Fine with me.' With that, David started heading off down the left path. He then noticed the eyes on the wall staring back at him. 'Hey, cool. They look like the glass eyes my fans send me.'

Visions of paper fans giving eyeballs to someone danced in Jareth and Hoggle's heads. With little choice, however, Jareth followed the man who he thought was possibly insane down the path.

And so Jareth and David walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and then yelled out in frustration.

'You call THIS a labyrinth?' David yelled about fifty metres down the pathway from the door. 'It just goes on and on in a goddamned straight line!'

Jareth stared at the wall. 'Will you shut up? I can't hear myself think!' _Wall, wall, wall, wall. Wall, wall, wall, DOOR! _'That's it!'

David sighed and leaned back against a wall, sliding down it and sitting the ground. 'What's what?'

Jareth stared at wall. 'There's a door here!'

David stared at Jareth. 'Uh, I don't know what sort of mushrooms you and everyone else here are taking, but that's a brick wall.'

Jareth blinked. 'We eat mushrooms. Don't you?'

A little voice piped up in David's ear, saving him from having to explain. 'Allo!'

David looked at the source of the voice and lost any remaining dignity he had by screaming.

Jareth turned around to face the screaming man. Then noticed that worm that most Laby fans including the author find cute, with the little blue tuff of hair. 'Oh, it's you… WILL YOU SHUT UP?'

David fell quiet and stared at the little worm, who blinked its eyes and smiled strangely. 'Who are you?'

'I'm a worm.'

David's eyes narrowed.

Jareth stared at the worm. 'Hello, Worm.'

The worm, who had been christened with the completely uncreative name of Worm, stared back at Jareth. 'Your Majesty. The missus would love to meet you.'

'How is the missus?'

'The missus is fine.' Worm looked at the pair – one looking calm, and his identical copy still looking plain terrified. 'Come on in, have a nice cup of tea.'

'Uh… no, we're fine.'

David managed to get over his shock and looked at Worm. 'Look, is this a labyrinth or what, because I have better things to do.'

Worm stared at him. 'Who are you?'

'David Bowie.'

Worm slapped himself against the wall in glee. 'Oh, the missus WILL be pleased! She's a big fan of yours!'

David raised an eyebrow. 'But isn't your missus a worm?'

'Yes, they sell miniature CDs of yours. The missus thought your concert was fabulous.'

Nothing surprised David anymore.

'ALRIGHT! I ADMIT IT!' Jareth suddenly yelled out. 'I DON'T KNOW MY WAY THROUGH MY LABYRINTH! ARE YOU ALL HAPPY NOW?'

Not even a cricket could be heard. If they existed in the labyrinth, that is, but Jareth wouldn't know.

Worm tilted his head. 'There's an entrance right across from you.'

David stared doubtfully at the wall while Jareth did a happy little jig.

'I KNEW IT! I KNEW THERE WAS A DOOR THERE! THAT'S HOW WE GET IN!' Jareth spun around to point at a disinterested David. 'AND YOU TOLD ME I WAS DISILLUSIONED! I WAS RIGHT!'

'I never said you were disillusioned, but I've been thinking it and now I'm convinced.'

David watched in amazement as Jareth strode through the wall and turned right. With a heavy sigh, he got up and followed to find himself actually inside the labyrinth.

And Jareth looking rather lost.

'What's the matter now?' David remarked. It was going to be a long thirteen hours. He supposed it was twelve now, after all the fuss in just the one pathway.

Jareth kept spinning on his heels before he finally looked straight at his stunt double. 'The end keeps changing!'

'We're already at the end?' David asked, surprised.

The sarcastic expression on Jareth's face murdered all hope David had. 'The ends of the pathway, Powder Puff.'

'That was the seventies. Besides, it's bloody ironic, you calling me Powder Puff. You looked in a mirror lately? Or can't you find your way to your own bathroom?'

David dodged just in time to miss the fist clutching a lollipop flying at his head. Two good things due to his dodging skills - the first being that the lollipop didn't come in contact with his eyes, the second being that he spotted the giant hand.

'Look, a giant hand!' David remarked, pointing to a statue of a hand with a pointed finger sitting on the wall.

Jareth stuffed the lollipop in his mouth as the pair made their first bright decision to follow the finger. As with most of their future decisions, this bright decision got them nowhere as they just kept walking around in the circles.

Jareth spat out his lollipop in rage. 'WE JUST KEEP WALKING AROUND IN CIRCLES!'

'Do you mind? I'm already blind in one eye, I'd like to keep all my hearing.'

Jareth paid David no attention as he fell to his knees, sobbing. He grieved for his lollipop, which had smashed on the ground. 'No… my lollipop…'

David, personally, was relieved the lollipop had gone to Hell, but didn't let that show. He didn't let any sympathy show either, but he wasn't feeling that. Instead, he put one foot up on Jareth's back and threw himself up against the wall.

'What are you doing?' Jareth snapped as he cringed under David's weight and the runner pressing painfully onto his spine.

David pressed his hands on top of the wall and managed to find a hole in which to stick his other foot. 'It looks easier just to walk along the top. You can see more.' He threw himself up on top, reliving the pressure on Jareth. David followed the top to the point where it stopped and there was a inhumanly jump to get to the other side. He turned around and walked back to where he could see Jareth's head, then leapt down. 'No good. Too far to jump.'

He paused for a moment and then pulled out a doll from a bag he suddenly had with him. Jareth peaked into the bag to find it full of dolls. 'You carry around a bag of dolls with you?'

David put down the doll down on the ground. 'They were with me when I got plucked then dumped in your freak of a world.'

'Who's are they?'

'My daughter's. We had a game of all-or-nothing marbles with my collection of glass eyes. At least now I can do something with the thirty or so dolls I claimed.'

'How old is she?'

'Four.' David looked warily at him. 'Why?'

'No reason.' Jareth smiled at David's back.

David, unaware, pointed at the doll. 'Now, every so often I'll put down a doll and we'll follow the direction the heads point in, got it?'

'Why can't we follow the feet?'

David gave Jareth an exasperated look. 'Because I said we're following the heads.'

And so they walked and followed heads then continued to walk and follow heads then walked and followed heads some more until they got to those really annoying guards.

'It's simple,' one head said. 'One of the doors leads to the castle at the centre of the labyrinth, and the other door leads to - da-da-da-doom - certain death!'

The other heads agreed. 'Oooohhh' or something of the sort.

Jareth didn't care. He certainly couldn't care less. 'Look, just open the door to leading to my castle and get on with it!'

The heads laughed, so David took a different approach. 'Which door leads to the castle?'

'We can't tell you.'

'Why not?'

'Them's the rules – one of us always tells the truth, and one of us always lies.'

So David – our smart, intelligent, caring David - figured out what he thought the door to the castle was and made a speech rather similar to the one Sarah made in his position which the author won't type here because after eighteen years, she's never understood it.

Jareth muttered something in the background about getting rid of the guards once he finished the labyrinth and not getting called 'smart' or 'intelligent' or 'caring'.

David smiled triumphantly. 'This door leads to the castle,' he said, opening the door. Jareth grumbled and followed him. 'It's a piece of cake!'

Jareth's eyes grew wide. 'DAVID – '

Too late. The trapdoor had opened and David and Jareth fell out of sight.

TBC 


	3. Three

SEE JARETH AND DAVID RUN – chapter three 

_And I finally move on with this story. Thanks everyone for your reviews. I know that it might be frustrating to wait so long, but comedy is the hardest genre for me to write and it's rare that I write fan-fiction anymore in the first place._

_On the glass eyes, this was written by Bowie himself in a chat transcript:_

"_I have several (glass eyes) actually… over the years, many fans have sent in their own glass eyes and asked me to sign them and send them back. Mischievously, I have always held on to them. I now have a full bag. And when she is old enough, we'll offer Alexandria a game of all or nothing marbles. Except I wouldn't know what to do with thirty dolls if I won!" _

_As for the disclaimer, you know the drill and who I want._

'GET YOUR HAND OFF MY…'

'It's not my hand, if you bother to look around you,' David snapped from where he lay strung across some sort of vertical tube.

Some days really weren't better than others. Our poor David was in a rather uncomfortable position, so uncomfortable that the author won't really describe it in any great detail, but he was gripped in all the wrong places by freaky hands that stuck out of the walls.

Jareth was in a rather difficult position right above him, and was fighting with a hand. 'What are you hands, perverts? I do not swing that way! Get your hand off that right NOW!'

'Okay.' David blinked as the hand spoke, then yelled as the hands holding Jareth promptly dropped him, sending Jareth crashing straight down on top of David.

David glared at him. 'You've really done it this time.'

'Me? Oh, no. No, you're the one who decided to open up this door and sending us falling down the hole! I tried to warn you!'

'You didn't do a very good job of it.'

'It's not my fault if one of your ears are deaf as well!'

'Excuse me, but may I remind you – '

'No you MAY NOT.'

' – that, like me, you are ALSO blind in one eye and if I'm deaf in one ear, so are you!'

'Look, are we going to keep you two hanging here all day or what?' Both, well, jumped as they heard the hand speak again. 'Which way do you want to go?'

Jareth and David looked at each other. 'What do you mean, which way?' Jareth snapped.

'Up or down?'

'Up!'

'Down!'

Jareth peered down at David. 'Why the hell would you want to go up for?'

David wondered if Jareth was being stupid for show. A look into his own eyes told him otherwise. 'Because if we go up then we simply go through the other door.'

'Where do we go if we go down?'

If David could move his hand, he would've slapped Jareth across his head. 'Apparently the bleach soaked into your brain. If you don't know what's down there, why are you choosing to go down?'

'To see what's there.'

David shut his eyes, and counted to ten. 'We don't have the time to explore. You can do that in your own time, after I get back to New York!' He glared at the hands. 'We're going – '

'DOWN!'

David nearly had the air pushed out of his body as the hands promptly dropped the pair, Jareth slamming into his body. They fell through a spider web trap door thing and crashed to the bottom of whatever they fell into. Glared is not a good enough word for the look the little boys shot each other.

Meanwhile:

The goblins, like in the identical circumstance of Sarah, weren't quite sure to laugh as they looked into the glass ball to see Jareth looking concerned and David looking, quite understandably, pissed off. They were pretty sure that the men wouldn't be able to hear them laughing but they weren't sure for certain, so they shut up.

Sarah did no such thing. Tears streamed down her face in laughter. 'They'll kill each other trying to get out!' She tapped on the glass. 'Hello down there! Having fun? I am! If you tap on the ground the psychotic psychopath will come out and free you from the hole!'

'No, Psychotic Psychopath is here with me and cannot free you right now.'

Sarah's eyes turned sharply on Jennifer. 'What did you call me?'

Jennifer stared into the ball, looking absent-minded. 'Nothing. Look, you really should get them out of there – '

'And you should really shut up!' Sarah snapped. Then tears began to fall again, now ones of sorrow and pain and all those sad emotions. 'Do you know what that bastard's like to me? He's so kind and gentle and nice…'

'Aren't those reasons to bring him back?'

'He wants sex too much.'

Jennifer shuddered and closed her eyes. The author didn't, especially mentally. 'I guess that's a reason.'

'He has some really strange fetishes.'

'That's nice.'

'Like me dressing up as a goblin and using glass balls instead of his fingers to – '

'THAT'S ENOUGH!' Silence fell over Sarah, for which Jennifer was grateful. Then she looked at the crystal ball and pushed it quickly away from her. 'Oh, ew!'

The ball fell to the floor and everyone ran away from it. The goblins suddenly understood why goblin prostitution was multi-million dollar business.

Back in the oubliette, Jareth and David still remained because they hadn't found a way out yet.

'I don't suppose that you know the way out of here?' David remarked, annoyed.

Jareth's eyes narrowed. 'How dare you assume something about me?'

'Well, do you?'

'Do I what?'

David exploded. He had been pretty near it most of the time. 'KNOW THE WAY OUT OF YOUR GODDAMNED LABYRINTH, LET ALONE THIS MISERABLE HOLE! I'VE HAD IT! YOU AND YOUR STUPID GAMES! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE! I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HERE! I WANT TO GO HOME!' David's eyes filled with tears and many girls rushed to give him hugs and cuddles to reassure him.

Jareth watched this affection in annoyance because he was left in the cold, with no goblins.

The girls disappeared suddenly and all that was left attached to David was a little girl, wrapped around his leg. 'Daddy.'

Despite the sticky situation, David smiled and picked up Alexandria. 'What are you doing down here?'

'Uncle Floyd made me come here.'

And so, apparently, one knew what Bones and Oogie on a silver screen could do – have little children get sucked into the Labyrinth. David looked at Jareth suspiciously… nah… no way. Jareth wasn't normal as it was, he couldn't be a puppet as well.

David looked at Jareth suspiciously more so. 'You can't have her.'

'Damn.'

The prostitute goblins cheered, the fear of another girl replacing one of them gone for another day.

Suddenly, a candle flashed in the distance. It wasn't very far, of course, being in the oubliette, but in the dark, lots of things are far away. 'I take it you need some help?'

Jareth, for once, looked pleased to see Hoggle. 'Hogwart!'

'Hoggle!' Alexandria exclaimed.

Hoggle, Jareth and David all looked at Alexandria in surprise. 'How do you know his name?' David asked, concerned.

Alexandria pointed to Hoggle's wrist. 'He's got pretty plastic.'

David slowly knelt down on the ground in front of Hoggle. His knees cracked. They were following his heart. 'Tell you what, Hoggle,' he looked up at Jareth, 'I'm not as bleached as you,' before continuing to Hoggle, 'You give my daughter that bracelet and you'll show us the way out of here.'

Hoggle looked unimpressed. 'That's got nothing to convince me.'

'Does the idea that 'us' doesn't include Jareth?'

'Who's us then?'

'My… daughter… and… myself.' David spoke very slowly. He was beginning to think that when it came to intelligence, Hoggle and Jareth were on the same sort of level. Like basement.

'What about me?' Jareth snapped suddenly. David decided to stand corrected on his thought.

'Oh, you've been pointless on this whole expedition. You stay here.'

'You can't leave me here! I'm important! I'm special! I'm wonderful! I'm – '

'- full of bullshit.'

Hoggle seemed to make up his mind, smiled and handed over the bracelet to Alexandria. 'You've got yourself a deal, Sir.'

David smiled at Jareth. 'Would you hear that? He called me 'Sir'. Not 'Fleabag', which is a good name for you.'

'Fleabag, we'd both be fleabags because we're alike.' Jareth was grumpy and furious, but no one could blame him. He was about to rot to death in the oubliette, after all. Surrounded by dirt and only having the groping hands to talk to and watching the purple lotus flowers that had, for some reason, spouted out of the wall.

'Daddy, I want pretty flowers.'

David poked the bracelet in Alexandria's hand. 'That's pretty enough.'

'Daddy's bracelet.' David watched in fear as Alexandria put the bracelet on him. It was all coming back to him. The demons. First it was the black glove. Now it was the bracelet. No. Plastic. NO! David tugged the bracelet off desperately with his teeth but it wasn't budging and… phew. 'No, you keep it,' he said quickly, giving it back to Alexandria. 'It's yours.'

Meanwhile, Hoggle had picked up the door from the floor and opened it. The Gemini spaceship came hurtling out, causing everyone to duck. Jareth didn't duck in time and nobody cared.

Sarah laughed at this, in the castle, through the shattered ball on the ground. No one wanted to repair it because repairing sex toys wasn't anyone's speciality.

Following the spaceship, the normal series of pots, pans and Magic Markers fell out of the closet. Jareth, to annoy everyone, got a Magic Marker and drew an evil frowning face on the bottom of the saucepan. 'This is you,' he told David.

'This is what I feel like,' David responded, whacking Jareth over the head with it as he walked by. Walking into the hallway beyond and closing the door, Hoggle, David and Alexandria left Jareth out cold on the floor. Realising that they could not offer sympathy, the purple lotus flowers encouraged the local society of laughing gnomes into the oubliette, who all could sing their national song till the sun came down.

TBC


End file.
